A Journal Entry

February 11, 2009

One more entry and I will have all 5 of these entries. Lunch is quite uneventful. Talking about band stuff and mixers. See? Boring!

Now they are talking about walking around naked and shaving heads. Why? I do not know. Sometimes I wonder why my best friends are all boys.

February 21, 2009

I have realized now that most guys do not cause as much drama as girl. They aren't as petty. They don't pick fights over stupid shit and they tell you how it is. They don't sugarcoat shit like most females. But there is one male persay, who acts like a female. I will not mention any names, but he used to be my best friends until he started the petty shit that females do. So...I have been proven wrong.

Unknown.

Fall into this world unknown,
Take the path, the guided way is shown
A world you have created for your own
Sacrifice your soul to this golden throne
Let me touch, taste you, feel you
See how good you really are.
Tainted blood has gone sour
Is this all you have to give?
I gave you all my power
All my strength
I gave you immortality.
Now you shall drink this poison I give to you
I promise you will not feel a thing
You will be my creation
You'll bow down to me
The one upon thy throne.
I watch you slowly die
Flesh decays, the horror stays
The longer you pray, the faster you fade.

Thanks to my great friend Karl, who helped be revise this.

Normal?

"I cannot maintain a semblance of normal anymore. I'd rather feel pain than try to fit in with you anymore. I'll throw it all away, like everybody else. I can finally be myself. Cuz I don't want to be myself."

''Gehenna" by SlipKnoT

Half of you people will read this and think that I am just some chick obsessed with this band. Okay, it's true. I am, but not because I think they are "to die for", but because as a band they connect with their fans.

Through my 16 years of breathing I've realized that most adults have certain expectations of you. They want you to become something you are not.

Take my mother for example. Yes, she supports me and she think's that is awesome that I play the drums. But of course she wants more of me. My plans after high school is to become either a veternarian or a pediatric nurse. These are my long term goals, but if I could be in a successful band, my life would be complete. My mother would probably have a cow though. Oh well. Shouldn't I do what makes me happy?

Every single one of us are put on this Earth for one reason or another. Either to become a mass murderer or to invent a cure for cancer. We are all here for something. So do what you are destined to do. Do what you love. And for the most part, don't let anybody take away your dreams.

Vermillion - Part Two

This wind blows. Cool and dull. When standing next to your body I am warm.
Creatures stalk their prey. Sly and coy. When standing next to your body I am safe.



I getting the feeling you are afraid of what I am going to think. You don’t frighten me. Not even a little. I trust you. I know you would never hurt me. I have that faith in you. My brother always taught me to have faith in those I loved.

If I were to call you a monster, I’d be a hypocrite. Although I am only half, I still carry that rage of a monster.

You amaze me in everyway possible.

Those fragile hands gripping the sheets so tight. You are always so afraid. Why?

You hold so much strength. So much power. You let fear rule your life. I still remember you always being the brave one. What happened?

Maybe there are some underlying issues.

You know you can always tell me. I won’t judge you. I’ll just listen. I am always here for you. There is no need to be afraid.

The truth is you are scared of yourself. You are afraid of what you might do to me, but if you trust me, believe in me when I say you won’t ever hurt me.

Vermillion - Part One

He cries as he watches you sleep. He wants to feel your warm flesh upon his pale hand. If only he was mortal he wonders what he could do. He knows you are in love with another, but something keeps telling him you are the one. The one to make him feel mortal again. The one who will accept him for who he is. Scars and all.

Though he still fears the worst. He fears you will push him away. He has lied to you for so many years. Although he had no choice, he still fears you won’t allow him a chance.

So another night passes and he looks up at the sky and prays. Prays to God to give him another chance at mortality. A chance so he can fulfill all of your desires. He wants to make your life complete.